Do you see those little pieces of plastic and rubber? They are called doggie chew toys. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret about those toys. They’re not gonna play with themselves! Okay? Without you, they’re just worthless hunk of plastic. Like a loaded gun without a trained Marine to pull the trigger. And in the case of the doggie chew toy, it’s up to you, my highly skilled beauty, my puppy punisher. My girl who will not take no for an answer! My fucking warrior who’ll never put down the toy, until Oppo either holds up his paws or goes to fucking sleep!
Let me tell you something. There is no nobility in shitting in your own crate. I’ve shat the bed, and I have slept through the night. And I choose sleep every fucking time. Cause, At least as a well rested man, when I have to face my problems, I show up in a clean pair of trousers, smelling like a million bucks and am not covered in shit!
Now, if anyone here thinks I’m superficial or materialistic. Go and shit the bed and start your day stinking, everyone crossing the road to avoid you, because that’s what’s you’ll get!
But, before you depart this room full of freshly smelling winners, I want you to take a good look at the person next to you, go on. Because sometime in the not-so-distant future, you’ll be pullin’ up to a red light in your stinky, soiled pants - having had no fucking sleep, and that person is gonna pull up right alongside you in a brand new Porsche, with their beautiful wife by his side, whose got big voluptuous tits. And who doesn’t smell like arse! Who will you be sat next to? Some disgusting puppy, gravy bone on the go and smug smile on his shit covered face, crammed in next to you with a carload full of wet wipes from the fucking Pound shop! That’s who you’re gonna be sitting next to.
So, you listen to me and you listen well. Are you sick of sleepless nights, wiping up shit at 3am? Good. Pick up the doggie toy and start playing. Are your neighbours ready to evict you? Good. Pick up the doggie toy and start playing. Does your girlfriend think you’re a fucking loser? Good. Pick up the doggie toy and start playing! I want you to deal with your problems, by getting some sleep! All you have to do today … is pick up the doggie toy and play the games that I have taught you. And you will sleep! More than the sleepiest, most rested couch potato in the whole of the United fucking Kingdom. I want you to go out there, and I want you to RAM that doggie in Oppo’s face, till he fucking sleeps! That’s what I want you to do.
You be ferocious! You be relentless! You be a doggie chew toy fucking terrorist! Now, tire that Motherfucker out! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
CrossFit Cardiff WoD
Complete as many rounds and reps within 9 minutes of:
3 Squat Snatch (60/40kg)
9 Wall Balls (20/14lbs)
Stolen but scaled, from Chris Spealler. Thank you and you thank him, as you are writing your scores to the whiteboard…